Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Cat Lady


Cat Lady



Marvin lived on a side road running out of a tiny town containing a Post Office and a small café. He had five acres at the front of which sat a low roofed bungalow entirely covered in galvanized steel. Around this rather industrial looking building were scattered an assortment of old cars, radiators, tractors, steel drums, and old farm machinery. To most this collection was simply a messy pile of junk but to Marvin it was a kind of garden of meditation. In the mornings, after breakfast, as he strolled through his yard examining a commercial air conditioner, poking his head into the engine compartment of a 93 Mazda or running his hand over the bonnet of an ancient Massy tractor, his mind was a flux of imaginative possibilities and his heart filled with pleasure and delight.

Luxurious, timeless mornings were now a feature of Marvin’s life for he had recently retired. But this was less a change for Marvin than it was for most people. Marvin had always refused the ‘iron harness’, as he called it, eschewing it for odds and ends of employment, mostly self employed. He cut grass. He hauled scrap. He painted houses. Sometimes he fixed cars and he had an old bulldozer he used for digging dugouts and grading. From all these he had made a barely sufficient living which was good enough for him. He still did some work when one of his old customers phoned with a problem but by the age of seventy this had become less than half time.

An old lady lived on the property next to Marvin. She lived in a farmhouse long ago the envy of the district but now fallen into old age and disrepair. It was a rambling building cladded on the outside with dried out and crumbling shingles and walled inside with decaying plaster. Five years before, Marvin, along with three of his drinking buddies, had replaced the asphalt shingles on the roof with old steel roofing they took off an abandoned barn, or at least a barn they considered to be abandoned. When the owner showed up six months later looking for his steel Marvin explained the situation to him and gave him one hundred dollars as a belated recognition of his property rights. Marvin arranged to have a small article published in the local paper praising the owner for donating steel for such a worthy project. The steel stopped the rain from coming into the old lady’s house, dripping from the ceilings and running down the walls. The year after the roof was redone was a dry one. The old place dried out very well and, as the old lady herself said, it was just as good as new.

The old lady’s house was full of cats. There were cats on all of its three floors, cats in the basement and cats in the three ramshackle out buildings nearby. There were cats of every shape, size and colour imaginable. Since the old lady had no car, and even if she did she would not be able to drive it because of poor eyesight, Marvin brought the cat food necessary to keep all these cats alive in his quarter ton every Tuesday. Monday was his day for going into the city to visit his son and when he came back out on Tuesday he brought the bags of food and carried them into the house.

The smell of cat urine in the house was staggering. But after many visits Marvin had got use to it and now had no problem at all sitting down at the old lady’s kitchen table and having a cinnamon bun and a cup of tea. The old lady made top-notch cinnamon buns. Unlike the modern skinny variety they were topped with a generous slavering of icing. Marvin, who at the age of seventy could still eat as much as he wanted without getting fat, ate two at a sitting, washing them down with three cups of tea. While he was doing this with one hand, Marvin patted an endless procession of cats with the other. Sometimes, an old tom, a favorite, leaped into his lap and Marvin suffered him to lay there and even fed him a few mouthfuls of cinnamon bun, for as it often goes with old animals, the cat had a sweet tooth. While Marvin was consuming his breakfast and patting cats, the old lady, Matty by name, kept up an endless patter concerning the doings of her vast brood.

It was very hard to put a number on the cats, although, on occasion, Matty gave it a try. Firstly cats, when not sleeping, are constantly on the move, bobbing and weaving in and about and trying to count them with out counting some twice or even thrice and leaving out others all together is difficult if not impossible. Secondly none of Matty’s cats were spade or neutered so every week or so births occurred which would invalidate any counting. As the mother cats often gave birth in the outbuildings or even in the woods, the presence of five, or six or seven new cats was not revealed until the little ones grew enough to totter about on their own, making their presence known. Matty’s rough calculations were one hundred and fifty but Marvin put the number at more like two hundred. Fortunately the cats defecated outside in the yard which was bad enough but much better than in the house. However cats are territorial animals and the house reeked from their marking and urinating. If Matty noticed this she gave no sign. Marvin thought that her sense of smell was gone.

Matty was ninety-eight and she looked ninety-eight. When young and middle aged she had been rather husky but in old age she shriveled up into a scarecrow and the skin on her hands and face took on the look of old withered parchment. Despite this she was a tough and vigorous old thing. She cut all her own wood for the winter. She did all her own cooking and cleaning. At one time she used to run three chicken barns but those days were over and she now lived on her pension check. Sometimes the government social worker would phone and suggest that Matty move into town for the winter or accept  homecare but Matty always refused. She was polite but she refused. What would happen to all her little darlings? And she didn’t want any government social workers snooping around her house and then putting reports in files and so on. Once when the social worker suggested a home visit Matty refused very emphatically. So emphatically that she was moved to use swear words, most unusual for Matty, a strict Anglican. When Marvin came to eat cinnamon buns he had to be careful with his language. When he and his pals had redone the roof she had given them three or four severe lectures on the topic of bad language.

Some of Matty’s cats had names but there were so many and their ranks so constantly added to that most did not. There was a coterie of ten ancient cats who spent just about all their time in the big kitchen with Matty. They all had names. They slept in a corner behind the wood stove where, in the winter, its heat kept their old joints fluid enough for them to hobble over to the food bowl and go out into the yard twice a day to do their business. Mostly they slept. Some of this group were on a special diet. On the stove there would be steaming pots of ground beef or liver. Matty had a small pantry off the kitchen filled with jars of medicinal herbs. When Marvin came into the kitchen on Tuesdays there was often an old cat on her lap (like laying on an oven grating) being spoon fed some kind of concoction.

Things had changed in the neighbourhood. Twenty years ago it had all been country people. Nobody had much but there was an ethic of live and let live. People were friendly but they left one another alone. Then city people, looking perhaps for an English country estate, started buying up acreage, knocking down the old farmhouses and building new middle class homes. The houses were immaculate and looked like they were scrubbed squeaky clean every morning. Vast sod lawns were laid and then cut with ride on mowers. To keep this grass shining in an unearthly shade of green the owners regularly doused it with pesticides, herbicides and chemical fertilizers. Three car garages held large SUVs which the country people were now told were an essential part of country living. These people looked askance at Marvin’s yard which they considered unsightly. It did not matter that Marvin thought their perfect lawns and freshly washed houses were unsightly and their chemicals an abomination for as time went on those who thought the way he did became a minority. If when these new people looked at Marvin’s yard their hearts were filled with a correcting fervor, when they looked at Matty’s they were filled with horror. They could not believe that such a thing could be allowed to go on and when they elected some of their own to the local council they started to do something about it.

The Council had never had  unsightly premises or animal control bylaws. No one had ever seen the need for them. If you saw an unsightly building then you just kept driving and it was soon gone. If stray domestic animals showed up in your yard one day, then you  adopted them, gave them away or took them behind the barn and shot them with the twenty-two. Eccentrics such as Matty were looked upon humorously, even fondly, rather than censoriously. To the newcomers this laissez faire attitude was deplorable.

It took the new people some time to pass the new laws. Five years in a row the proposed laws were brought before Council and defeated but then two new councilors were elected and they passed.

One day, in the early spring when the roads were muddy and rutted and the fields great seas of shining black water, Melvin was sitting on his front steps. He was drinking a cup of what he called cocoafee, a combination of cocoa and coffee, a mixture, which as far as he knew, he had invented himself. The early birds were back and Marvin was listening to them singing. He was also thinking of overhauling the engine of his quarter ton and where he could find the money to do it.

When he had been engaged in these activities for twenty minutes a vehicle came along the road, a shiny new SUV. When it came to Marvin’s gate instead of continuing on as he expected it turned into the driveway. It stopped in the drive behind his truck and a man got out. He walked up to the steps where Marvin was seated.

“Good morning,” said the man.

“Good morning,” Marvin returned.

“A beautiful morning,” said the man.

“Absolutely. Couldn’t be better,” said Marvin.

“Do you know the old lady next door?”

“Yes I do.”

“A Miss Lalaber?”

“Uh huh.”

“What do you think of her cats?”

“I can’t say that I think of them at all.”

“Don’t you find them a nuisance?”

“No.”

“There are many that do.”

“Well, that would be up to them.”

The man seemed a little disconcerted with this attitude and came to the conclusion that he was in enemy territory. He looked around nervously at the junk strewn about the yard. He stuck a baby finger in one of his ears and twisted it a few times. Then he said. “There are new laws now about these things.”

“About what things?”

“Animals and yards filled with litter.”

“And what do these new laws say.”

“I could give you a copy.”

“Fine.”

The man reached into his inside pocket and brought out a folded piece of paper. He handed it to Marvin who opened it and read it. At least the new bylaws were short and succinct rather than long-winded. When Marvin was finished reading he held out the paper to the man but the man waved his hand in refusal.

“You can keep it.”

“Thank-you,” said Marvin.

The man turned to go but when he was half way to the vehicle he turned back and said,

“I’ll be back.”

“Why?” asked Marvin.

“I am responsible for enforcing bylaws.”

“I see,” said Marvin. “Well then I will see you when you come back.”

“The yard will have to be cleaned up. And the old lady’s cats will have to go.”

“I see.” Said Marvin.

“If it’s not done then the law will be evoked.”

“And how would that happen?” asked Marvin.

“There are many ways. Orders could be issued. Expenses could be put on your taxes.”

“I see,” said Marvin.

“And so will you be doing something about it?”


“About what?”



“The condition of your yard.”

“What condition? What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s messy. There is junk laying all about.”

Marvin looked at the front yard and then he looked back at the man. “It’s been like this for fifty years. And if you don’t like it nobody asked you to come driving over here and look at it. You could have stayed at home and saved yourself the aggravation.”

“Other people complain.”

“Who?”

“That’s confidential.”

“Well if there are people who don’t like the look of my yard there are many that do.”

“Such as.”

“Me to begin with. Many others as well. Matty loves my yard. Joe Criegton, Bill Stopover and George Fulton often spend an entire afternoon poking about in my yard. Sometimes I trade them some of my stuff for some of theirs. That’s easy to do when things are spread out nicely the way they are.”

“Spread out nicely?”

“Yes.”

“Well,” said the man, “I suppose it is a matter of phrasing. Anyway something will have to be done. And you are telling me you won’t do this voluntarily?”

“I said no such thing.”

“Oh. Then what did you say?”

“Nothing. I didn’t say anything one way or the other.”

“Perhaps then you could do me a favor and bring yourself to do so.”

“To do what?”

“Tell me if you are willing to clean up your yard voluntarily.”

“Of course I am.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“When?”

“Very soon.”

“Could you be a little more specific?”

“Not really. I have health issues and never know from day to day what I can or cannot do. Maybe I could get at it next week or maybe the week after.”

“That is a bit vague.”

“So is my blood pressure.’

“OK. So let me get this straight. You will get at it within two weeks.”

“More than likely.”

“More than likely.”

“Yes.”

“OK, I’ll tell you what. In two weeks I’ll be back.”

“Fine,” said Marvin.

The man climbed into his SUV and drove away.
   

 
Over that spring and summer the man came to see Marvin ten times. Each time Marvin had moved a few things about or constructed a poplar pole fence, or cut a small patch of weedy grass. The man couldn’t say he did nothing yet he was insistent that a major effort would have to be made rather than little bits here and there. Marvin agreed that a major effort would be the best. He was very disappointed that circumstances had made that impossible. But Marvin, if he was anything, was an optimist. He had always been an optimist. He was sure everything would work out for the best in the long run. The man was not so sure. He mentioned penalties under the law. He mentioned orders. Marvin said that the man should do what he had to do. Marvin certainly didn’t take it personally. There was an early snowfall which stayed down that year and the last time the man came Marvin said. “We’ll have to wait until the spring I suppose. It’s hard to find anything under all that snow.”

Meanwhile Matty had received an order about her cats. All but three would have to be removed. She showed it to Marvin the next time he brought cat food. Matty was in tears.

“They want to murder my darlings,” she said.

“When is he coming back?” Marvin asked.

“Two weeks he says.”

“Don’t worry about it. I have an old pal who’s a lawyer. I’ll talk to him.”


Marvin’s old pal sent a letter to the council. Apparently there was some technicality  making the order illegal. At their next meeting the Council corrected the technicality and sent out another order. But there was something wrong with that one too so they had to send out another. There were many corrections and reissuings and they went on all winter and into the spring. In May, on a warm sunny day, Marvin took his camera over to Matty’s. She put on her best dress and sat her in a chair in the kitchen with two of the most photogenic cats on her lap and another in her arms. Marvin gave this picture to the local newspaper and they printed it along with a human interest story about a woman, soon to be one hundred years old, a pensioner and long time lover and rescuer of cats, being harassed by rich, heartless bureaucrats. The Council received a bagful of letters expressing indignation and it backed off.

That spring Marvin began to kill some of Matty’s cats. He used a twenty two pistol. He picked up a cat, carried it into the woods behind Matty’s barn. Here he put down a bowl of canned tuna. When the cat was almost finished eating Marvin shot it through the head. He carried the corpse home in a bag and buried it in his yard. Matty’s hearing was not very good and she did not hear the pistol shots. Over the summer he killed fifty cats but there were so many to begin with that at first Matty did not notice. But by winter he had cut down the population by half.

“There seems to be less of my precious babies,” Matty said to him one day.

“They say that when there are too many animals in one spot,” said Marvin, “then nature makes it so the mothers have less babies.”

“Isn’t that interesting,” said Matty.    


The bylaw man came to Marvin’s twice more that year, once in the spring and once early summer. The last time he sighed very deeply before he took his leave. Marvin sees him at the coffee shop now and again. He nods and the bylaw man nods back.  Occasionally Marvin sees him driving along his road but he doesn’t slow down and come in the gate anymore. He just waves as he passes by on the way to some important appointment.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Anarchy




Anarchy




Gregor gave the impression of being gruff and inaccessible but anyone who took the trouble to step past the first impression encountered a man both warm and humorous. He was sixty, wrinkled and puffed and sat every day in the café from nine in the morning until ten thirty.

Two friends joined him most days, one a tall thin man so cadaverous and pale he reminded literary people of Poe’s Roderick Usher, the other a short roly-poly man with a red nose. Rudolf, the tall one, was an anarchist, very active in the movement. He perceived dark conspiracies everywhere sometimes when they were actually there but often when they were not. The roly-poly one, Andrew, was a Buddhist nominally but really an eclectic. On days he was feeling particularly mystical he quoted Krishnamurti, Lao Tse, Eckhart and Mencius all in the same breathless paragraph. For a living Rudolf wrote underwriter’s contracts for an insurance firm and Andrew was the minister of a small Unitarian church. Gregor was a painter living on a pension so tiny that his pals usually paid for the tea and cookies, allowing Gregor to pay every tenth time or so as a face saving measure.

The three men lived in a cold Northern city where the fierce dog of winter held the earth in its bitter teeth seven months a year. During these months the three wrapped up like arctic explorers in parkas, mitts, scarves, neck-warmers, gigantic boots, etcetera. But in the spring when the first really warm days arrived, they emerged from their winter cocoons and, arriving at the café in light jackets, sat outside on the patio to soak up the early sun. One day in May when they well into a mystical union with the surprisingly strong spring sunshine and thus not speaking, although each were well aware of the presence of the other two, Rudolf broke the silence,

“The ‘Anarchist Review’,” he said, “has been taken over.”

“Who took it over?” asked Gregor.

“Some International company, apparently a gigantic conglomerate with its tentacles sunk deep into the publishing industry all over the world,” replied Rudolf.

“Too bad,” said Andrew but this seemed so irrelevant to the other two men neither said anything in reply.

A moment later, Andrew, perhaps trying to redeem himself, asked, “But I thought you said it was called the “Anarchist Review’? I thought such magazines were always co-ops.”

“They are always co-ops,” said Rudolf, “at least up until now. The co-op board voted to sell. I, of course spoke and voted against it but it passed with a substantial majority so that’s that.’

“But what in heaven’s name would an international publishing company want with a tiny anarchist magazine?” asked Gregor.

“Not so tiny,” said Rudolf, his feathers a little ruffled.

“Come, come,” said Gregor. “Let’s not be overly sensitive. How many in the co-op?”

“Quite a number,” replied Rudolf.

“Give us a figure,” Gregor insisted.

“Well,” said Rudolf, “membership has been declining for some time now. The young people are interested in electronic gadgets, not anarchism. Let me see, if I can remember from the last annual report, there were some one hundred and thirty-three members.”

“Well,” said Gregor, “ call such a puny membership what you will, I still don’t see why a big company would want to buy a little magazine whose members pay the costs of its publication and, on top of that, espouses a political philosophy which, if brought into practice, would mean the end of large companies. Doesn’t make any sense to me.”

“They paid a good price,” said Rudolf.

“How much?” asked Andrew, who was keenly interested in the price of everything.

“Ten Thousand five hundred dollars.”

“Hmmm,” said Andrew, a little disappointed for he had expected a much higher figure.
He busied himself with dividing ten thousand five hundred by one hundred and thirty-three, arriving at $78.95 (rounded). This seemed a paltry amount of money to move the individual principles of one hundred and thirty-three anarchist (most who had been so more than fifty years). “I don’t get it,” he said. “Why would they sell at all and why for such a paltry amount of money each?”

“Pressures were brought to bear,” said Rudolf.

“What pressures could an international company bring to bear on an anarchist magazine?” asked Gregor.

“You would be surprised,” replied Rudolf.

“Surprise me then.”

“Landladies were spoken to.”

“Landladies?” asked Andrew.

“Yes,” said Rudolf. “Certain landladies were approached about the harbouring desperate roomers plotting against the welfare of the state.”

“You are joking,” said Gregor.

“No. Three quarters of our members are over seventy and many of them have lived in the
same rooms for years. To be cast out into the streets in their twilight years is no joke for them.”

“But why would the landladies care what a International company thinks about her roomers?” asked Andrew.

“The answer to that is the usual one in such cases – money. Significant sums were offered if they cared.”

“Significant sums?” said Gregor. “You sound like a retired diplomat. Be more specific, please. How much?”

“Several thousand in one case I hear. Landladies are not rich. The money was tempting and some, of course, are simply venal.”

Gregor and Andrew digested this information for some time. Perhaps, they both thought, their dear old friend was going mad. The growing irrelevance of his treasured philosophy had unhinged his mind. A succession of generations turned into robotic consumers had undermined his sense of hope and faith.

After some time Rudolf spoke again. “And that’s not all. The lease on our building is up this June and, after forty years of occupancy, will not be renewed. One of our lawyers brow beat the landlord. He gave the name of the new leassee – a numbered company which, when checked out, is owned by three gentlemen with the same last name – Smith. When the lawyer tried finding out what the business of the company was he came up with nothing. The landlord refused to say more. He no longer answers his messages or emails.”

“Not only that,” continued Rudolf, “but the company which prints the Magazine sent us a letter saying it can no longer, after printing the May issue, continue with the contract. When contacted the owner mumbled something about a change of policy. The publishing committee then contacted fifty-five printers to find a new one. They all refused the contract. When asked why they gave various answers – too busy, not doing magazines any more, going into digital, and so on. Can you imagine? Fifty-five and not one was willing to print, not even when a bonus was mentioned. Dark forces have gathered.”

“What was the vote at the meeting?” asked Andrew.

“There were fifty-four members present. Forty-eight voted for the sale, five against, one abstention.”

“The old cowards!” shouted Andrew.

Rudolf and Gregor stared at him. It was unlike Andrew to speak in anger.

“Well, that’s what they are, isn’t it? As long as no one cares about their activities and it costs them nothing, then they breathe fire night and day. But squeeze them a bit and they turn over with their legs and arms in the air. Hypocrites and frauds is what they are. All the old anarchists who died for the cause will spit on them when they enter the afterworld and they will richly deserve it.”

Rudolf and Gregor looked at their old friend with amazement. His nose had taken on an alarming shade of red and his upper lip was twitching.

“Calm down, Andrew,” said Gregor.

“I am calm,” replied Andrew.

“Your nose is red,” said Rudolf.

“My nose is always red,” said Andrew.

 “Not so red,” said Gregor.

”Well then,” said Andrew, “let it be red and be damned.”

 “Perhaps we should have another cup of tea,” said Rudolf and he went into the café to order at the counter.

Andrew regained his equanimity half way through the cup of tea Rudolf brought him. Perhaps, he thought to himself, he had been a bit hasty about the anarchist dead spitting on the Quisling members of the Anarchist Society. No doubt, at the least, even if it were true, it was an unkind thing to say. He thought that perhaps he should address his old friends and make something of an apology. But they had raced off into other fields by then and it seemed to him unwise to interrupt with the old raw topic. They were speaking of summer and how nice it would be to organize a ‘reading of significant works’ at the café. He had been ruminating so deeply that he didn’t catch who the writer of the significant works was. It would have to be done on a Monday for that was the only night the owner would allow readings for on Monday nights the café was usually empty. He didn’t want long, boring readings driving his cliental away and if the old fogeys showed up, well, he might sell a few cups of tea and a dozen bran muffins.

The conversation about the reading of ‘significant works’ petered out without any decisions being made. Then they talked briefly of the weather and left, each going off on his own errands and duties.



This was a Friday and our three friends did not meet again until the following Monday, for they did not go to the café on the weekends; they found it too crowded and noisy.
Monday morning it was raining, a fine misty kind of rain. When they arrived each was carrying an umbrella for it is the universal experience of old men that rainy weather can actually be enjoyed with the help of an umbrella, especially with the expensive English umbrellas they had all bought at a sale on the internet some years before. They were beautiful umbrellas – jet black, as a respectable umbrella should be, covered with strong silk and with ribs as strong as the ribs of a well built suspension bridge. As they entered each shook out his umbrella (out the door, of course) and then leaned it gently into the corner beside their table for they never left their umbrella in the stand provided at the door where vague and absent minded people might mistake it for their own. That morning they were feeling especially frisky after spending quiet weekends lush with refreshing naps. When Andrew (it was his turn) came back to the table with tea and cookies, they began talking right away.

“I hope I did not insult you, Rudolf,” said Andrew, “with my talk of the old anarchists spitting on people in the afterlife. I don’t know why I got so exercised about the whole thing. After all I am hardly an anarchist so why should I care what one anarchist thinks about another? I suppose it just seemed to me that an old man should go out with a little dignity and even in old age we should hold to a few dear principles, even if it costs him comfort or perhaps even worst. I’m not much into self sacrifice but to hold on like rats to the remnants of our lives at any cost in old age, seems to me to be prepare the way for a sad exit.”

“I couldn’t agree with you more, Andrew. That’s why I voted against. My landlady has aimed some mumblings at me over the past month or so but I have withstood her. ‘I have lawyers,’ I told her and she retreated into her apartment. Last week I received a lawyer’s letter of eviction filled with lies and innuendoes. I handed it over to Josh Benson, a retired fire-eater but still a fire-eater. Even if I am forced to move I don’t really care. I have lived in the same place for twenty-three years but that is no reason not to move to another. The landlady is nasty and two faced. Because of my education and the relative high status of my job she has always treated me with fawning respect which I dislike intensely but what can you do? People are the way they are. You should hear some of the things she says to those she considers low and dispensable. At the very least it will cost her a big lawyer’s bill because Josh says he’ll do everything he can pro bono. No, no, I was not in the least insulted. I heartily agree that the Old Ones will spit on that pack of cowardly weasels. I changed the topic not because I was displeased but because of your blood pressure.”

“I still can’t quite believe all this,” said Gregor. “An international company buying an anarchist magazine. It makes no sense to me.”

“It does to me,” said Rudolf. “ But then I have a dose of paranoia which predisposes me to such understanding. You, Gregor, are too rational and normal to comprehend the machinations of the evil ones. Such thuggish behaviour is not in your repertoire. Apparently a fashionable anarchism has become the rage. The Corporations, ever conscious of the new trends, are eager to be ‘ahead of the wave’ as they put it, where they can shape it into forms highly profitable for their shareholders. Already I have received invitations to subscribe to a new on line ‘Anarchist International Review’ which I am promised will gather in all the ‘New Thinking’ so vital to the world today, with advertising sidebars of course. I have also been invited to subscribe to a new book site which will be bringing out all the historical texts of Anarchism, leather bound and embossed. On the sidebars of this invitation were advertisements for black flags, designs taken, they claim, from the anarchist flags of the Spanish Civil War. As well one could buy authentic anarchist Spanish peasant jeans, authentic anarchist marching boots and a series of anarchist T shirts with pictures of places dear to the anarchist heart emblazoned on both the chest and the back. The images on the T shirts, you will be glad to know, are computer generated and the women’s versions are sculpted, so to speak, to maintain the integrity of the image on the chest despite the stretching caused by even the largest breasts. Old fat men will benefit from this amazing innovation as well, for they often have larger breast than averaged sized women. This is what they are up to and spending seed money to prepare the way is no problem for them. The old members of the Anarchist Magazine have all received a lawyer’s letter quoting a section from the sale contract forbidding any of them to use the word ‘anarchist’ in any new publication for a period of twenty years. After twenty years the members will be all dead and in the meantime the company will convince national governments to give them a copyright on the name. Publicly funded police agencies will enforce it the world over regardless of costs. They tell me this is happening simultaneously in a hundred countries. The global village I am afraid has become the global tyranny.”

“Dear, dear,” said Andrew.

“My, my,” said Gregor.

“Yes indeed,” said Rudolf, “a grim picture.”

The three men sat for a few minutes looking off into the middle distance contemplating this grim picture. Or at least Rudolf was contemplating it. Andrew, after a moment or two of dutiful worrying, began thinking of the reaction to yesterday’s sermon. Gregor first thought of Roman merchants manipulating the corn trade and then went on to run through a list of possible presents for his wife’s birthday.

There were only a few people in the café that day. Monday mornings were always slow and the rain didn’t help. An older man who was there every day at this time sat at his usual table in the southeast corner riveted to his laptop. Other than to make a brief, brisk return if someone greeted him, he spoke to no one. As soon as he sat down he opened his laptop and only closed it just before he got up to leave. He gave the impression that, thirty years ago, after enjoying himself for a few brief months, he had given it up in favour of dutiful devotion to an iron schedule. Retirement had changed nothing but the content of the schedule. He arrived at the café at 10:35 and left at 11:40. Once he brought his eyes down upon the screen of his machine, he did not lift them until its clock told him the time was up. Rudolf called him Robot Man which Andrew thought unkind but accurate. Gregor wondered what he would do on the day he died, put down in his schedule book – death 9 to 9:15? If his wife died – grieve, 6 to 6:30? Although he was perhaps sixty he radiated a physical strength which was exceptional. He was fit and well muscled without an ounce of fat on him. Rudolf claimed he was a retired accountant, Gregor that he was a pensioned off bureaucrat, Andrew that he was a lonely soul in need of the consolations of a philosophy, preferably a mystical one. Other than at the appointed time each day he was never seen in the café or, for that matter, anywhere else. If he lived in the neighbourhood said Gregor, he must only come out in the dark of night, disguised. Perhaps he was an outer space alien gathering information for his masters on another planet Rudolf once said which annoyed Andrew for he thought such flights of fancy frivolous and disrespectful. Perhaps he was M. Vladimir risen from the grave.

But Jack Krick, for this was Robot Man’s real name, was none of these things. Rather he was a private investigator, at least from a strictly legal point of view. But the name private investigator was really inappropriate although his work did involve some investigation into the lives of others. But these investigations carried out on behalf of his employers did not involve the usual tricks, subterfuges, disguises, running down dark  alleys or rushing about in speeding cars, favoured in movies and racy paperbacks. His employers had deep, deep pockets. Offering money is the most efficient way to gather information and his employers provided him with plenty. Mrs. Murphy, Rudolf’s landlady, for instance, was given, after a first brief encounter, an envelope containing two thousand dollars in twenties. Jack found it best to let the money do the talking. He was not a wordy, loquacious man When he came back a week later she was putty in Jack’s hands. He took her out to a local restaurant and bought her a meal. He had a lawyer call on her the very next day to arrange things. The printers were even easier. They were men of business. They were used to money under the table, falsified receipts, etc. An envelope containing five thousand and nothing more needed to be said.

Jack knew who Rudolf was. He had a file on a storage device in the tower apartment with pictures, resume, biography, political involvements and so on. He had no opinion on Rudolf. He was not in the habit of having an opinion on anyone. Opinions were something other people had, especially his employers. As long as they communicated their orders to him accurately and succinctly he was satisfied. “Do this,” they told him and he did it. “Bother him,” they said. Jack bothered him. “Make him afraid,” they said. He made him afraid. Occasionally they even said, “Kill him.” But they didn’t say it to Jack. There were other people who did that sort of thing, nameless men who Jack had heard of but never met.

He was almost finished in the city where he had now been living two years with fly outs to his own much bigger city in the south once a month for a week. He hated this city. It was drab and proletarian and filled with ugly, gnome-like people. Why anyone would want to live here was beyond him. Someone should drop a bomb on it. Someone should pull the plug and let the earth suck it down the drain. A giant should take a brush and scrub it of the face of the earth. It was filled with Jews and Asians and Slavs who walked about its streets with the arrogance of cockroaches. He was keen to be gone but a few things had to be tidied up first and then he would have three blessed months in his own city among towers and faces like his own - clean, white, showered faces filled with intensity and purpose.

Jack observed the three men leave but did not look up from his screen. When they were gone he waited five minutes and left. Three blocks south there was a major street and here he flagged down a cab. He drove in his own country but not in those where he worked - too many problems with possible accidents, documentation at rental agencies, etc.  He pretended to be friendly with the brown skinned men who drove him for he knew people can smell someone who hates them from a block away. He was good at dissembling. He could smile and wish a good night to someone he really wished in hell - it was his job, a professional necessity.

A week later the odds and ends had been cleared up excepting for one. He had his plane ticket. He had paid the final bill at the apartment hotel. He had sent the appropriate files to headquarters and then deleted them from his laptop. It was now a businessman’s laptop with reports, financial analysis, charts, the files a small investor would have.

His plane left early the next morning. In the evening he went out to eat at an upscale restaurant in the downtown. He seldom ate upscale but thought two years of successful work deserved a reward. The food was very good. Roast beef with gravy, mashed potatoes, asparagus, apple pie and ice cream for desert. The bill was outrageous. He paid for it with the cut out card giving twenty percent exactly for a tip. Then he had the maitre D call him a cab.

“R is central and still relatively young,” his employers told him on the cell phone two weeks before. “None of the others are capable of resuscitating anything. You know what to do. Make an impression.” His employers always talked like this, in terms very clear to him but vague to anyone listening in. You always had to assume someone might be listening in even if the cell phone was a pre paid cut out.

He had the driver let him off three blocks from Rudolf’s house. Rudolf lived in a small block near the river and took a walk every night along the river path before going to bed, a ridiculous thing for a paranoid anarchist to do thought Jack. It was now eight thirty and it took him five minutes to reach the spot where Rudolf would go by. His plan was to hide in the bushes and wait. The bushes were willows but Jack didn’t know that for all bushes to him were unspecified green things he usually only saw from afar. There were bugs and insects in them and he stayed away from them as much as he could.

But surprise! When he stepped into the bushes Rudolf was already there waiting for him. Beside him was another man much younger and bigger than Rudolf and in his hand he held a gun pointed at Jack. But from Jack’s perspective it was pointed for so short a time it barely registered that someone was pointing a gun at him for the big man squeezed the trigger and sent a small caliber bullet through his forehead, through his brain and out the back of his head. He fell onto the leafy humus underfoot as if he were a dropped doll.

The two men slipped an opague plastic bag over the body and the big man lifted it onto his shoulder. He and Rudolf walked further along the path until they came to a dark alley. Here they left the path and walked along a series of winding alleys until they came to the back of an automotive workshop. Rudolf knocked on the door and it was opened immediately by a frail old woman who stepped out of the way while they came in and then closed the door behind them.

“Where?” asked Rudolf and the old lady indicated a car in the far corner with the trunk lid open. The big man, with some help from Rudolf, placed the body in the trunk and closed the lid. Rudolf climbed into the driver’s seat, the big man into the passenger and, when the old lady managed pulling the chain to open the big front door, they drove slowly out into the lane and off.


Two days later the three friends were seated in the café.

“I wonder where Robot Man is,” said Gregor. “It’s already 10:05 and he hasn’t shown up yet.”

“Perhaps he had a dental appointment,” said Rudolf. “Or a headache. Even the busiest person in the world sometimes has to take a day off for a headache.”






 








Monday, May 14, 2012

Selling




Selling




That morning the lane was wet and misty, as it often is in late September when warm moist air blows up from the south. The sun was behind a veil but barely, a slight thickening of the light behind the overcast. It was nine thirty, the usual time Tom began his rounds when the householders were off to work and the traffic in the lane reduced to the odd car.

Some lanes were more productive than others. Ones with heavy beer drinkers, too moneyed or lazy to return empties, were the best but the one he was pedaling along now had three houses which left aluminum cans in a cardboard box beside the garages for him to pick up. That morning all the boxes were filled to the top and he dumped them into the trailer bin thinking kindly of his benefactors. After covering a dozen more lanes, picking up the odd thing here and there, the trailer was full and he started on the long pedal home.

Home was a basement apartment on the riverbank. The building was ramshackle, cracks in the brick walls hastily filled with mortar mix, gutters hanging, flakes peeling from the front door, the last of a long ago coat of varnish. His apartment was in the basement at the back, a spot where the noise of drinkers and fighters was heard as rumblings far off in another county. Granted the natural light left something to be desired but then he had day glow fluorescents in his workroom. Rescued from the lanes they hung over a counter running the length of the wall in the second bedroom where he did his painting. On Friday and Saturday nights, when the crazies were at the height of their frenzies, he secured the door with three steel bars, turned on the fluorescents and painted happily late into the night with shouts, threats, screaming, running up and down the stairs and occasional gunshot as the background music.

There was a message on the computer from his brother Edward. Tom clicked on chat.

‘What’s up?’

“Small amounts of gleeful joy,” replied Edward.

“Jesus, are you using again?”

“No way. But I did have three cups of coffee and a donut.”

“Using of a kind.”

“Yes, but everybody does it so they don’t call it using. They call it normal.”

“Hmmmm.”

“I think I have a customer for you, Tom.”

“Who?”

“A retired drug dealer.”

“Are you sure he is retired?”

“Well, semi retired anyway. He lives in a big house on the river about two kilometers from you. His place is quite a spread, acres of lawn, sprawling ranch house, tennis courts, basketball court and a soccer field. He used to be a jock but now his knees are gone. I sent him the file you gave me and he likes the images. He says he would like to meet you. Wants you to bring the originals so he can have a good look.”

“Did you mention price?”

“Of course. Five hundred, right?”

“Right, but less for the less well to do and even less if desperate for rent money. Did he really sound interested?”

“Really interested. I don’t know anything about painting, as you know, but he seemed to be knowledgeable.”

“And how did you come to that conclusion?”

“He talked fancy, a lot of big words. Anyway, I hope you don’t mind but he was so interested I thought I better set up an appointment. Tuesday at five in the afternoon. Hope that’s OK.”

“That’s OK. Do you want to come?”

“Yes, seeing as I am a sort of agent, at least in this case.”

“Bang on the window at four?”

‘Right on.’



They rode their bikes, paintings wrapped and lashed onto Tom’s trailer. It was a lot farther than Edward’s ‘two kilometers’. The last part of the journey was along the river path. The place was obvious for the basketball court and soccer field fronted on the river behind a tall chain link fence. There was a gate and a guard in the far corner, the guard sitting in a lawn chair reading the newspaper. When they approached he got up and gave them an inquiring look.

“We have an appointment with Mr. Clusky for five o’clock,” said Edward.

“And you are?” asked the guard.

“Edward and Tom Mills,” said Edward.

“Just a minute,” said the guard. He turned his back on them and walked fifty feet away taking a cell phone out his pocket on the way. After a short conversation the guard came back and unlocked the gate.

“Follow the path. It leads to a door at the back of the house. Mr, Clusky will be there to meet you. Now, put you hands up on the fence so I can frisk you. Mr. Clusky says he’s sorry but precautions must be taken. He says many of those who did not take them are no longer with us.”

“Very true,” said Edward.

After the frisking they walked the bikes along the path. First it went between the soccer field and the basketball court. Then it wound through a beech wood, emptying into a flower garden bordering the back of the house. True to his word, Mr. Clusky was waiting at the back door, or, to be more exact, one of the back doors. He was smiling.

He was a big man. “John Clusky,” he said reaching out a hand the size of a catcher’s mitt. First Edward and then Tom shook it, their own hands disappearing entirely into that great muscled paw. “His knees may be shot,” thought Tom, “but his hands are still in good shape.” Clusky was a little under fifty with graying hair and the kind of suntanned face you only get by spending much of the day outdoors.

Clusky led them into the house. They stepped into a sunroom filled with potted flowers, heavy with their scents and as humid as the entryway to a public pool. In the far corner of the room was a sitting area with table and chairs and a counter with sink, fridge and stove. Neither Edward nor Tom wanted a drink and neither did John Clusky, so Clusky boiled water for tea and they sat at the table. Tom put the paintings on the end of the counter nearest the table.

Tom and Edward drank tea while Clusky took the paintings over to a window and looked at them. He held them up to the light coming in the window. Then he put them on a small table and stepped back to look at them again. Tom and Edward were on their third cup of tea when he came back to the sitting area. He placed three of the paintings on the counter and put the rewrapped remaining seven on the table. Then he sat on his chair.

“I’d like to buy those three,” he said jerking a thumb at the counter.

“Which ones are they,” asked Tom.

“ ‘Sad Morning’, ‘Easter Holidays’ and ‘Almost Gone’.”

“You have taste,” said Tom, “they are the three I would have chosen myself.”

“Well, I have always had an interest in paintings and images. I think I might have become a painter myself if I didn’t like money so much. In the library is a collection of prints of the Old Masters and the moderns as well. You paint like a modernist, unusual for around here. Mostly its flat realism, tractors, animals, old barns, nostalgia. I used to have quite a collection of that sort of thing when I was younger but it was like living in a grave yard having that stuff on the walls. I sold it all at auction ten years ago replacing it with pieces from New York and prints too  - Klee, Miro, Dali, people like that. Your brother said five hundred a piece but I want you to accept a thousand each. Is that OK?”

“It’s alright with me,” said Tom.

“Fine then,” said Clusky and he reached into his pocket, pulled out a roll of hundred dollar bills, peeled off thirty and lay them on the table in front of Tom.

“Count them,” Clusky said. Tom counted them.

“Right on,” said Tom.

“Good. If I see you to the door can you find your way back to the gate? I have people upstairs I have to get back to or we could spend more time together. The next time I’ll make sure I’m free and we can talk. I’ll phone you.”

“ Fine,” said Edward. Clusky walked them to the door and they followed the path to the gate where the guard smiled and let them out onto the river path.



Edward and Tom came in the back, bringing the bicycles with them and leaving them in the hall inside the door. Tom put the cash on the kitchen table.

“Three thou,” said Edward. “Not bad for a day’s work.”

“Hmmm,” said Tom.

 “So, what’s wrong? You don’t like money all of a sudden?”

“I have lots of things I can use the money for including paying off debts. But still, I can’t help think that this money is a little dirty.”

“Dirty?”

“Dirty.”

“Drugs you mean.”

“Yep.”

“All money is dirty,” Edward said. “If it’s not drugs then it’s some guy underpaying his workers or building substandard buildings to crank up the profit or whatever. It’s all dirty. The world is dirty. Get over it.”

“I think I’ll give some of it away to charity. Maybe that will help clean it up.”

“Some?” asked Edward. “How much?”

“Half maybe.”

“Fifteen hundred dollars?”

“Well, that’s half.”

“A quarter would probably do.”

“I read somewhere that in a situation like this people give half.”

“Well to do people maybe but not church mice like ourselves. After all we have to eat; we have to pay the rent. If you consider our situation – you being a penniless artist and me being a penniless bum -  I would say forty percent at the most.”

“OK, forty percent then.”

“At the most I said.”

“OK, then what’s below the most?”

“Let’s say twenty-seven percent.”

“How about thirty-seven?”

“Let’s settle at thirty-three then. It will make the math easier.”

Edward extended his hand across the table and Tom shook it.


Tom counted out one thousand dollars and put it in his wallet. Then he counted out five hundred and handed it to Edward.

“The thousand shouldn’t be considered in the ten percent, “ said Edward. “You are giving it away, remember?”

“Yeah but I decided to do that, not you, so why should you suffer? Take it please. It still leaves me fifteen hundred which is lots.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. And to include you in the blood money I’m raising your percentage so that means you gave some money too.”

“Well that just about covers all the bases.”

“Exactly,” said Tom.



The next morning Tom went to the charity office to hand in the money. There was a young woman at the desk and she looked at him suspiciously and who could blame her? Tom looked like a person who should be receiving charity rather than giving it. His jeans were worn and soiled. The neck of his T shirt sagged to the middle of his chest. His ball cap was so ancient and grimy it shone with a patina all its own. He hadn’t shaved for three days and his hair was uncombed. But he was well spoken and handed her a thousand dollars cash so she asked him to wait a moment and took the bills in to be examined by the accountant. She came back a few minutes later, the accountant following behind.

The accountant, a rat faced man with a ginger beard, glared across the counter at Tom. He had the bills in his hand and shook them at Tom. “You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” he said.

Tom needed no more than that. With the quickness of a striking cobra he leaned over the counter, snatched the bills from the accountant’s hand and ran out the door. They ran after but were no match for Tom. Tom was over fifty but lean and well muscled while they were fat layered and office bred. He was turning his third corner as they were coming up to their first.

At the apartment he washed, shaved, put on clean, presentable clothes and replaced his ball cap with a barret. He put all the money in a secret place and walked over to Edward’s. He was still asleep, thank goodness, otherwise he would already have gone to the bank. Edward got out of bed and let him in. Tom explained the situation.

“That’s low,” said Edward.

“Very low,” said Tom.

 “I thought gangsters had a tradition about that,” said Edward. “When they are dealing with civilians they deal honestly, even generously.”

“That’s what I thought too,” said Tom.

“Well,” said Edward, “I suppose it’s true ninety-nine percent of the time and we happened to get the one percent.”

“Yeah.”

“Good thing you were able to snatch it back from the accountant or things would have been much worse.”

“I just thought of something,” said Tom.

“What?” asked Edward.

“The office probably had a camera.”

“O my God!” said Edward.

“But then I wouldn’t worry about that when I come to think about it. It’s probably a grainy old thing and the cops have better things to do than setting up an operation to catch an old codger trying to pass a few hundred in counterfeit bills. It will end up at the bottom of the worksheets and no one will ever get to it. But still we should get rid of the stuff right now. You never know.”


They walked to Tom’s, retrieved the money from his secret place and made their way down to the riverbank. The traveled the path until they came to a group of cottonwoods hanging out over the stream. Here they climbed down through the trunks onto a narrow shelf on the bank and built a small fire of twigs. They laid the bills onto the fire one by one, somewhat reluctantly. When they were charred they stirred them with a stick and added more twigs. When everything was white ash they stirred it again and then buried it with a layer of mud they scraped from the shelf wall.

They climbed up the bank and walked the six blocks to the soup kitchen. It was midmorning so there were only a few people sprinkled about in the large dining room. Turkey soup and a corn beef sandwich, a cup of tea and two lemon cookies for dessert. They sat at a table overlooking the side yard of the church where the children from the daycare were chasing one another about, above everything a blue, fall sky. When they had eaten everything and only the tea was left, they leaned back as best they could on the folding chairs provided, sipped their tea and looked out the window. After some time of silently, companionably contemplating the scene before them, Tom said,

“I suppose he’s happy with his big house and money stashed away in offshore accounts.”

“And let’s not forget the stashes of cash, huge wads of it and real cash too, not like the funny money he gave us,” said Edward.
“But then, of course,” said Tom, “he no doubt worries someone will come to take it away from him.”

”And in the world he lives in, someone taking it away from you means they shoot you dead,” said Edward.

“True,” said Tom. “But then we all die sometime, anyway, Edward.”

“Yes,” said Edward, “ but some die sooner than others and since they worry about it all the time, thinking of the others they knew who were killed that way, then they die perhaps hundreds of times before they actually, really die, startling awake in the middle of the night, that sort of thing.”

“Maybe, but Clusky didn’t seem to me to be the type who would startle awake in the middle of the night. I would guess he sleeps a solid eight hours.”

“But to do such a rotten thing, wouldn’t that bother you?”

“Well, it would bother me but maybe for him it makes him happy. Maybe doing things like that for him is a dark joy, a kind of weird pleasure.”

By now the tea was cold and they got up, walked to the long counter, poured the dregs into the sink and placed the mugs in the rack. They said goodbye to the cook who was making soup for supper and walked out into the bright sunshine.




Sunday, April 22, 2012

The Proper Arrangements


a                Proper Arrangements


   Things started out watery and drippy.  Wet from the morning fog settled on his hat and mackintosh so that when he put his hand to his shoulder his fingers came back covered in droplets; bright clear droplets, despite the murky light, sparkling like clear diamonds against the fluted texture of his finger pads. Thank goodness he had placed the plastic cover on his fedora before he left the house otherwise the felt would now be soaked, the brim bending down like the mouth of the sad clown in the posters advertising a coming circus stapled onto the telephone poles along the street. Fortunately by nine AM the breeze blew off the fog exposing  blue sky sprinkled here and there with wispy white cloud as if someone had shredded the cotton from the top of an aspirin bottle and tossed it high  into that feathery blue. His first ten calls produced not a single sale, not a bottle of lotion or even a fingernail brush, by God. When the sun came out he decided to bring his disappointment to the boulevard at the end of Rex and sit down with it on a park bench. He placed his fedora beside him and poured a cup of tea from the thermos he carried with him.

   The streets were empty now, children in school, workers at bench or desk. A few moments after he sat down, the gaffers, who at this time of the morning drifted onto the grassy boulevard at the end opposite his bench, began to gather. A flock of aging black birds, (they were always dressed in black or dark, dirty brown) they clustered like a landing of crows, first pecking their beaks towards one another in greeting and then bending their weary old backs to sit on two benches under a giant elms. Jeremy did not like the gaffers. He considered them crude and irreverent. They leered at the young women passing by. They passed raunchy jokes among themselves, laughing uproariously in the most vulgar way. They smoked pipes and rolled cigarettes. They spit loudly into the street after hawking up gross mouthfuls of greenish phlegm. They picked their noses and scratched their genitals like a pack of baboons. But since they performed all these disgusting operations in a proscribed circle, one which did not impinge on anyone else, they were left alone. The policeman on the beat often came by to pass a few moments in their company. He cracked a joke. They laughed. What were policemen, after all, but gaffers in waiting? Big, bluff Irishmen with potato noses and fat spongy cheeks like the bread dough now rising in bowls in their wives’ kitchens.

   Jeremy himself was a Scotsman of the small variety, short, thin shouldered and delicately boned. His mother had always told him that he was the descendant of Scottish Lairds but he deeply suspected everything his mother told him on such matters. His mother was a terrible liar and great inventor. As the real circumstances of her life did not suit her, she had long ago decided to dream up a series of fictions, which with time and repetition, eventually supplanted the real world with one more suited to her liking. Not that Jeremy minded. At first, many years ago, he had sat in judgment on his mother’s stories. He had chosen an allegiance to a literal truth and had engaged his then middle-aged mother in many pitched battles, which, on occasion, he was foolish enough to believe he had won. But he found that an inevitable pattern established itself in these conflicts with his mother. First she would argue in her calm, reasoned way and then she would haughtily retreat into silence, refusing to say a word. The subject under discussion would not come up again for a long time, perhaps six months or a year. But when it did finally come up again it was as if their previous conversation had not occurred. He came to realize that it was impossible to correct her errors. The field of her mind was absolute, maintaining itself in a state of great shining clarity. His own foolish jabbering, his nit picking heresies were simply ignored, waited out. She wore him down. She ground away at him with the power of her relentlessly fecund, inventive mind. Once Jeremy came to realize that all this was as inevitable as the sun rising or dark descending he began to enjoy his mother’s inventions and eventually came to see the fictive world she lived in to be superior to the boring, every day world of their rather eventless, impoverished lives. He began to look forward to her stories as a spot of colourful entertainment in an otherwise dull and drab existence.

   Jeremy’s mother, sequestered now in a Church sponsored home among prayers, knitting and quiet whispers, employed her time in the repetition of old lies seasoned now and again with the new ones she thought necessary to keep things fresh and contemporary. All these weird personal fables, these creations of a baroque imagination, she worked and polished into seamless stories which she presented to him on his Sunday afternoon visits with great vitality, skill and originality. What did it matter if they were ‘true’ or not? After all, from his observations over the years, what was presented, in the newspapers, in schools, as official history was just as suspect, just as shot through with the levered, personal point of view. His mother was merely acting as the whole world acted, perhaps even more moderately for she never claimed her personal ‘distortions’ to be official bastions of ‘truth’ or ‘reality’.

   According to his mother he and she were related by blood to the royal Stuarts. The original vehicle of this relation was a grandson of the Young Pretender, popularly known as ‘Bonnie Prince Charlie’, the last serious standard bearer of the Stuart cause, whose forces were defeated at the battle of Culloden in 1749. Subsequently the Bonnie Prince removed to France where, like many Bonnie Princes, he filled several houses full of children, some of whom were legitimate, some not. Jeremy’s mother claimed John Frail, her husband’s great great grandfather to be a legitimate bearer of the Stuart name. According to her, after a great dance of legal wrangling and fancy political arabesques, he managed, at the age of thirty, after changing his name to Frail, a popular name in the Hebrides at the time, to claim a small island as his inheritance. Here, again according to his mother, said John Frail, really John Stuart, held a kind of underground Stuart court and fired the Hebridean people with new pride in their ancestral heritage. That the Scots, who were at the time making millions in banking and working long hours in the shipyards building war vessels for the British Empire, had much time in their busy lives for sentimental journeys into the past, seemed highly unlikely to Jeremy but his mother was quite capable of waxing eloquent on the new spirit inspired by the blood royal's presence among the people. She could go on for some time telling stories of depressed Celts restored by ‘the touch’ to happy and productive lives, young mothers calmed in the travails of childbirth and so on.

    John Stuart’s son emigrated to the American continent in the early eighteen hundreds. Jeremy’s mother claimed that he, through a series of circuitous name changes, cut outs, etc, apparently necessary subterfuges to guard against the enmity of certain powerful men, to be the great grandfather of her dead husband, Jeremy’s father. When Jeremy said to her that considering the number of descendants in that populous line, even if this were true, then it would not have been anything special, his mother fixed him with a terrible eye. After a pause in which she scoured him with those old fierce eyes whose antecedents were perhaps as terrible to the old enemies of the Scots as the Highland charge once was, she said, “The rest are bastards you foolish boy,” employing a directness of language which he had never before or after heard her use. John Frail’s grandsons frittered away the money he brought with him from the old country, their sons becoming carpenters, boat builders, makers of furniture and coffins  - skilled, yes, but nonetheless workman even though ‘of the higher variety’ as his mother phrased it. Jeremy’s father, who died three years after he was born, operated a workshop in the basement of the house he inherited from his parents, producing an inexpensive line of furniture for his workman nieghbours. After his death his mother turned the workshop into living quarters for herself and Jeremy, renting out the rest of the three story house. Jeremy was brought up on the proceeds of this meagre rental income.

   “And who has the Hebrides island now?” Jeremy asked. But his mother cast an imperious hand toward the ceiling saying, “What does it matter? Danes of some kind or another. Sheep breeders, fishermen, tourist guides, something of that kind.” Jeremy couldn’t help thinking that being of that kind might not be so bad if you owned an island to go along with it but his mother held in high contempt all worldly ambitions not having to do with the Blood Royal and, suspecting, (most accurately) the motivation of his inquiries, refused to answer any more questions.

   The drift of all this was that Jeremy was in the direct line and therefore his question to her was, if so, what was he doing here in the colonies selling brushes door to door. Here his mother took refuge in vagueness. She was unsure she said. There were many details which remained obscure and rightly so for some shield must be cast over such matters or malevolent persons might use unguarded information to perpetrate violent and evil acts. The Hanoverians, according to his mother, were anxious on such matters. Their anxiety was not a danger to anyone, excepting perhaps themselves, may it rot the linings of their ursurping stomachs and curdle the contents of their unholy bowels, but gaining detailed knowledge of the Stuart line would bring about great dangers. Surely even a brush salesman could appreciate that such knowledge in the hands of Hanoverians or their agents, would spell disaster. They had the ear of certain organizations to whom falls from high buildings, mysterious disappearances, gruesome motor vehicle accidents, silently slipping tortured corpses into the sea, were all in the course of a day’s business. The resources of the Blood Royal were more modest and thus they were forced to rely on the time honoured weapons of the powerless – subterfuge, secrecy, obscuration, veils leading to veils leading to veils, etc. To speak in an unguarded way of such things was dangerous and unwise. To even know of such things in an unguarded way was dangerous and unwise. Therefore he should stop being such a noodle head and asking questions she had no intention of answering for the obvious reasons given above.

  At this point (this conversation occurred some fifteen years before) Jeremy began to think his mother mentally deranged, paranoid. He even thought of trying to convince her to come with him to see a psychiatrist. But after several weeks of revolving this in the back of his mind, he gave it up. He decided that there was no way that his mother would ever repeat the things she told him in the presence of a psychiatrist. Even if forced to wait on one by some magical power he did not possess she would sit there very coolly denying every word he said, insisting that the pressure of her son’s employment had driven him mad and, as everyone knows, the mad are great ones for insisting that they are quite sane and the others, especially those who are near and dear to them, are really the mad ones. Such a contest with his mother played out in the court of a psychiatrist would surely end in his utter defeat. Besides, even if she were mad, his mother was harmless. She had never suggested that the postman was a Hanoverian agent and that Jeremy should do away with him at the first opportunity or anything of that sort. If she were indeed mad she was just a harmless old spider building a series of complex webs at the bidding of a chemical imbalance or some weird warping of the DNA and thus of no harm to anyone. 

   According to Jeremy’s aunt, his mother’s sister, ten years her senior, who lived in another city far away to the west, visiting Jeremy and his mother for two weeks every summer until ten years ago when age and health brought her traveling to an end, his mother always had a tendency to ‘drifting and dreaming’ as the aunt put it. As a child her play with dolls was much more extravagant and went on for much longer than it did with other girls. For her dolls she worked out elaborate and complicated lives involving plots and secret pacts, sudden disappearances, journeys to far off places of refuge involving mysterious lovers, malevolent forces, witches, violent kings, agents of evil whom she dressed in dark clothing and fitted with masks similar to the ones worn by Zorro and the Lone Ranger. She spent several hours every day alone in her room conducting these ‘operas’, as Jeremy’s aunt called them, amidst her dolls and other figures she constructed of sticks, pieces of cloth, wire, straw stolen from her mother’s kitchen broom, papier mache and odd bits of clutter rescued from the garbage bin. These creatures operated in a maze his mother made by suspending pieces of butcher string from her bedposts to nails pounded into the window and door jambs which she then covered with small ends of cloth given her by their mother. The action took place in this city of multicoloured curtains. There was even a gibbet composed of coat hanger wire wrapped in black cloth from which hung four butcher string hangman ropes suitable for multiple executions. From these ropes, according to Jeremy’s aunt, hung, for the most part, the evil agents with masks and black capes, which to his aunt seemed reasonably appropriate for they were, no doubt, murderers, abusers and perpetrators of numerous evils and thus it was not surprising that they ended up hanging from a gibbet. Sometimes, however, one of the golden haired, blue eyed dolls, dressed in long blue gowns, hung there all by herself. When this happened all the other characters, even the evil agents, were placed in attitudes of deep mourning about the foot of the gibbet, perhaps including those who had placed her there now overcome with deep regret. There were several carriages pulled by wooden horses whisking actors from one scene to another and a paper mache pirate ship occasionally taking a party off across an imaginary sea to another country.

  Jeremy’s mother was very religious. Despite his own strict Catholic upbringing, or perhaps because of it, Jeremy saw all religious belief as a form of mania. He was quite willing to admit its beneficial effects, for instance the relative harmony which prevailed at the seniors home where just about all the inmates were fervent and devout believers, partakers of the sacraments and so obedient and orthodox they were like members of a second chance nunnery, a membership conferred upon them by age, impoverishment and the fact that they were either widows or spinsters. There were regular prayers. In the corridors there were often black suited priests. The place was run by Sisters of Charity who wore long black robes and astonishingly white starched wimples  - quick, elegant, direct women possessed of great intensity and force of personality. The viaticum was administered every morning to those who wished to take it. Sundays the able bodied went to the Cathedral. Here they sat through the Bishop’s mass with its pomp, bright vestments, stained glass windows, its gold gilded altar, the choir, the sung liturgy, the sweet, angelic altar boys, the press of the crowd. For shut ins there was a mass in the dining room where even the most ancient and decrepit could be present in their wheelchairs. All these activities had to them a purposefulness, a solemnity which was very impressive. Without them what would there be, Jeremy often asked himself, but a bunch of disassociated personalities hurtling towards death? Old women crying their despair into the darkness? They may very well all be maniacs in the sense of participants in a group mania but Jeremy could not help but come to the conclusion that without their faith and ceremonies they would be much diminished, much worst off. Unbeliever that he was he had great respect for the comfort given and the humane results of their belief and always treated its forms, observances and intellectual structures with tolerance and respect. Because of this his mother did not take him to task for his unbelief. That he acted as if he were a believer, that he did not mock and challenge, was good enough for her.

  Many, in those days, were enthusiastic about the reforms of Vatican II. This was not so with his mother. Of course she was officially obedient to all pronouncements from proper authorities in the Church. However she could not help but think of John XXIII, at least in his human manifestations, as a vulgar peasant led astray by populist notions. For her the chief tragedy of the century was not the wars and mass killings but the vernacular mass. To turn aside from the great tradition of the Latin Rite, which, in a long uninterrupted line had believers speaking the praises of God in the same language and form extending back into the centuries, was a terrible mistake for which the Church would be punished by chaos and confusion, all the evils brought down upon the heads of the builders of the Tower of Babel for their hubris and unholy pretension. That the priest should face the congregation, exposing the holy rapture of his union with God to the rabble seemed to her to be unseemly. That they could gaze upon the host elevated above his head for a few brief moments seemed to her quite sufficient. Sundays she went to the Cathedral but the other mornings of the week she, accompanied by a few old maids whom Jeremy always thought of as her entourage, attended a Latin Rite mass down the street at a Dominican Abbey. Here, his mother and her cronies could say the Latin responses in exactly the same way as they had came forth from the mouth of the Young Pretender some two centuries before. Jeremy suspected that his mother saw the vernacular mass as an attempt by levellers to break this connection, to leave it floundering in a sea of grasping rabble infected with the terrible disease of what she called the Cromwellian heresy, that is that each individual made up their own rules after nightly conversations with a rational, administrative God. This, according to his mother, went against the common knowledge and inheritance of the human race, casting adrift the great bulwarks of Order, Obedience, Hierarchy, Tradition and the place assigned by God for the individual in both the natural and eternal order.      

  The downfall of the Stuarts was, for his mother, also a great tragedy, the greatest in all human history, but one softened by her surety of their reestablishment in their ordained and proper place. The details of this ordained and proper place were a little vague, for his mother had no real notion of economics or political structures. Indeed she thought of these things as the encumbrances of lesser minds leading into the blind alleys and mazes of the twentieth century. Talk of a Stuart resurfacing was expressed in mystical language and went something like this. Driven mad by the unholy confusion of the secular states, in a frenzy of egoism, rage and destruction the masses would rise to throw off the yoke of commercial Mammon. The streets of the cities would flow with blood while the rabble indulged themselves in a bacchanalia of lust, murder and drunkenness. Virgins would be raped, Ministers of the State struck down in the corridors of the Houses of Assembly. The rich would be burned alive in houses where once they composed the tableaus of deep degeneracy. The cities would empty out as millions tried to escape the violence and mayhem. Of course they would escape into a vast maw of starvation and disease. The roads would become lined with festering corpses. The four horsemen of the apocalypse would harvest a mountain of skulls. Deep rivers of human misery would overflow their banks creating innumerable scenes of human suffering. This would go on for some time until perhaps some three quarters of the human race was wiped off the face of the earth. Then a period of shock, remorse, and deep quiet would ensue. It was in this period that the people would come to their collective senses and search about in the ruins for the pillars of truth and reality which they had so long neglected. One of these pillars would be the restored Stuarts, in some mystical way now cutting across all barriers of race, custom, language to become the universal saviors of desperate and fallen humanity. Lifted upon the shoulders of the justly chastised populace, they would usher in a new age of Justice, Obedience and Absolute Rule. The second pillar would be the remnants of the Church Hierarchy, which the judgment of God (perhaps in the form of a Highland dirk) would miraculously merge into the first; thus the Keys to the Kingdom and the seat of human judgment would be joined together in the body of the Stuart King. (no Queens, Jeremy’s mother would not have it) Some might wonder how such a demure old Catholic lady could dream such horrible pyrotechnic dreams but there you have it.  

   After twenty minutes of sitting in the sun Jeremy rose, hefted his sales case, remarking in his mind for the thousandth time how he should find some way of wheeling the beast and thus saving the wear and tear on his small, thinly muscled frame, and started off towards the head of his next street of call.  Sullivan Street. The first customer, Mrs. Slaney, gave him a cup of tea on the front porch and ordered one cat brush, one fingernail brush and a roll of fancy ribbon. Next door Mrs. Drapeau took three bottles of shampoo and two comb and brush sets for birthday presents. Three houses down Mrs. Delaney was put down for face scrub and an expensive brush set for her daughter’s graduation and so on until three o’clock (he skipped lunch being on a roll) his order book was almost full. After a brief wait at the stop he climbed aboard the number ten bus and rode it home. There, Mrs. Gillian, the landlady, gave him a phone message from his mother. He was to appear at the home at 7:10 that evening on an important matter. This was the exact wording repeated by Mrs. Gillian in a deferential tone for she thought Jeremy’s mother a lady of great distinction, always repeating her messages verbatim as they seemed to her to be expressed in a genteel language so different from what she, Mrs. Gillian, used for every day occasions. Jeremy thanked her and climbed the stairs. In his room he shed his outer clothing, hanging everything neatly in the tiny closet inside the door, removed his shoes placing them together to one side of the bureau and lay down on the bed. The next thing he knew he Mrs. Gillian was calling him for supper. Pot roast, homemade bread, blueberry pie. Then, after thanking Mrs. Gillian warmly for supper (she was truly a wonderful cook and a gem of a landlady) he left the house in the cheerful frame of mind brought about by a fine meal, and took the number seven bus arriving at the home at 7:04.

   “I have decided,” his mother said when he came into the room.

   “Decided what?” asked Jeremy for his mother’s mind was chock full of things being decided in a very systematic, logical process much like an automobile assembly line with vehicles in various stages of completion. 

   His mother looked at him sharply. “You know very well what I mean, Jeremy.”

   Usually Jeremy would defer to this with a smile and perhaps a nod of his head but today he was fortified with a stomach full of digesting nutrients and he spoke up for himself. “You forget, mother, that there are other people in the world besides yourself, people who may not understand you when you speak in a cryptic manner.”

   “The horses. Gray and finely combed of course but the number was causing me problems. I have decided that ten would be pretentious. Six will be quite sufficient.”

   His mother was speaking of the horses which would pull her funeral cortege. Long ago Jeremy had given up trying to convince her that if one were rich and the funeral director given ample notice one could have a funeral cortege pulled by any number of horses of any description and colour, but an impoverished old woman with a son who sold brushes door to door was not in that category. All his efforts to disabuse her of these notions of grandeur had been met with the same indulgent smile then swept aside with a flourish of details concerning ribbons, the braiding of the horses manes and tails, the amount and design of the silver decorations on the harnesses and so on. He had learned to listen very attentively even closing his eyes to imagine the particulars she was laying out before him. 

   “Black ribbons I suppose to secure the braiding but you would suppose a funeral would allow the occasional use of some other somber colour besides black – deep purple perhaps but custom is custom and we don’t want to cause scandal.” His mother was thinking of the funeral of a man who she claimed to be a direct line descendant, held in the south of France, whose lover had tied bright pink ribbons onto the door handles of the hearse carrying him from the church to the grave site, announcing to the world, or at least that part of it which was listening, that the corpse therein had been gay or was gay if you saw gayness as a condition which continued after death. Everybody who knew him already knew this for he was not one to disguise the nature of his sexual desire, rather the opposite. What bothered his mother about this performance was not that the corpse was gay but that the organizers of the funeral had been so remiss as to allow such a solemn occasion to be abused by the exhibitionist tendencies of his paramour. All the more reason to have trusted aides or trusted sons to insure that indignities were not visited upon your corpse after death. But secretly, Jeremy was sure, his mother longed for the bright colours disallowed at funerals especially as her procession would be the only proper one allowed her in a hard life of obscurity and self denial and it seemed a shame that that the colours involved should be limited to the funereal spectrum. 

   Six horses then. Grays, big Arabian mares, driven by driver and assistant in tails and silk top hats, footmen on the running boards the same – handsome, hearty fellows to beat off the crowds and clear the way through traffic. The coach glassed, the coffin open until it reached the grave. The tomb had already been decided upon – granite, windowless with a cornice carved with resplendent archangels. Here she would await secret ambassadors from the old country who would ship her remains across the sea to their final resting place filled with the posthumous glory of the Stuarts. His mother was convinced that her temporary tomb was now awaiting her at a local cemetery some ten miles away. Jeremy had decided that this was a relatively harmless delusion and even brought her pictures of tombs in a book from the library from which she picked out some of the details. His mother was also convinced that an inner coffin of hammered copper set into an outer of polished oak sat in a storage room of the funeral home and was thus ready to be pressed into service immediately upon her death. The copper was necessary for ‘respectful preservation’ as she put it during the hiatus preceding her journey across the sea.    

   Of course she was to be buried in a simple pine coffin atop the by now crumbling casket of her husband, William John McKenzie, dead these thirty years and no doubt properly mouldering. The coffin chosen by Jeremy was second up from the bottom of the list at Snow and Glaston’s Funeral Home and even then barely affordable from the tiny savings of her only son. The marker would be limestone, an archangel carved into each upper corner, but archangels with wings folded, the kind with wings spread out being too expensive. The Funeral Home hearse would transport the body to the gravesite, a small cemetery two miles down from the big one where the plots were cheaper. The casket would be closed. There would be no crowds to peer in curiously even if they could see through the darkened windows and no press for the footmen to clear a way through. Indeed there would only be Jeremy, a few cronies from the old neighbourhood and perhaps a half dozen old ladies from the home carried from the service in the Cathedral’s chapel to gravesite in two Funeral Home cars, black Chevrolets. Jeremy would pay fifty percent of the costs up front from his savings. The rest would be paid in monthly instalments over a period of three years. 

   “Have you got all that, Jeremy?”

   “Yes mother,” he replied and indeed he did for he had copied it into the notebook he carried with him for such purposes. If, or perhaps when would be more realistic, his mother brought up archangels, braid tying ribbon or reception arrangements he could flip to his index, written in a small print script with cross references, and put his finger on the necessary information in a matter of minutes. His mother was delusional, yes, but she had an impeccable grip upon the details of her delusions, even more of a grip, Jeremy sometimes thought than if they were real. He found it best to have good notes for although the general shape of things in his mother’s mind remained the same, she sometimes changed a detail here and there. Years before he had learned to leave spaces for corrections and he entered them in the same tiny, tidy script he used for writing orders for brushes, ribbons and lilac body powder. Even though his mother’s wishes were quite insane he still enjoyed the journeyman task of writing them down and adding new page numbers and cross references to the index. His mother liked to watch him do so for his careful, painstaking jottings gave to her decisions a reassuring concrete reality. When he finished his notes, he placed the book back into the inside pocket of his suit coat. 

    At that precise moment, Edna, one of the Home’s inmates who, over the years, had taken on the role of his mother’s confidant, traveling companion and maid, came in to the room as if by signal although as far as Jeremy could make out there had not been one, carrying before her a tray of tea and cookies. She was a small thin woman, one of those who even in her seventies remind you of the phrase ‘a slip of a girl’. She had a thin elegant face with a high forehead and a lovely, radiant, childlike smile. Jeremy knew little of her background. Not long after his mother moved into the Home twenty years before Edna had taken up her role as his mother’s aide de camp as naturally as a kitten might curl up to a large maternal cat. She placed the tray on a small table in front of his mother and then, at her invitation sat opposite the old lady and poured three cups of tea. They chatted about the daily happenings in the Home while nibbling cookies and sipping tea. Jeremy caught the 9:07 and was home in bed by ten o’clock.

  One year to the day after that evening Jeremy’s mother had a stroke. She was rushed to the hospital. When he arrived she was in bed and very pale, the white coverlet up to her chin. At first he thought she was asleep but something about the rhythm of her breathing told him this was not so. When he came to the side of the bed she opened her eyes and with a motion of her head beckoned his ear down towards her mouth. In a harsh whisper she said, “Never mind.” 

   “Never mind what, mother?”

   “All those things I told you. The proper arrangements have been made.” As soon as she said this she shut her eyes and drifted off. Jeremy sat in a chair beside the bed until the night nurse reminded him twice that visiting hours were over. At the desk in the hall a young doctor told him she would be unlikely to survive the night. Jeremy thanked him and took the bus home. His mother was eighty six. Right up until the stroke she had been physically active and mentally alert. Of the two of them Jeremy had always considered his mother, despite her delusions, the most intelligent and the most aware, alive. He would miss her terribly but he was not so deranged as to wish her deprived of a quick and merciful death for his own selfish reasons. He was happy it had turned out this way for her. He was grateful. A long disability before death would have been hard for a woman like his mother to bear.

   The next morning, at 6:31, she died. Jeremy was given the precise time by Edna who arrived one hour before him at the hospital. She established this time from the pendant watch she held in her hand, his mother’s one valuable possession. When she told him the time she looked at him expectantly as if some comment on this figure should be forthcoming. When Jeremy failed to produce one she looked at him pityingly, exactly, it seemed to Jeremy, the way his mother often looked at him when she was alive. “The grandson, William,” she said.

   “Died at the same time,” said Jeremy. 

   “Yes,” said Edna giving a radiant smile to find her pupil such a quick study.

   “Although there is some controversy,” said Edna. “Four said 6:31, two 6:30, one 6:32.”

   “Probably a matter of inaccurate watches,” said Jeremy.

   “No doubt,” said Edna. 

   The attendants came to remove his mother’s body and Jeremy and Edna left the room to let them do their work. They waited until the gurney was wheeled out and watched it move down the corridor and out of sight.

   “I’ll have to phone the funeral home,” said Jeremy.

   “There is no need,” said Edna. “The proper arrangements have been made.”

   “What did you say?” Asked Jeremy.

   “The arrangements are made. There is no need for you to do anything.”

   “I don’t understand,” said Jeremy. “Are you telling me mother made separate arrangements I know nothing about?”

   “I suppose you could say that. You mother is on her way to be embalmed. The coffins are waiting.”

   “Coffins?”

   “Yes. An inner coffin of hammered copper, an outer of polished oak.”

   “What are you talking about Edna? Two coffins. Arrangements made. By whom? Upon whose authority? With what money?”

   “Resources have been provided.”

   “By whom?”

   “Sush. Such things cannot be talked about in such a public place. I will tell you later in private.” After saying this Edna opened her purse and handed him a sealed envelope. “Put this in your pocket.”

   Jeremy took the envelope between the fingers of his right hand. He turned it over looking for a name but there was no writing on either side. Just a plain white sealed envelope.

   “What’s in it?” he asked.

   “Isn’t that rather obvious?” Edna replied.

   “Not to me it isn’t.”

   Edna sighed. “Your mother told me you might present difficulties. ‘He’s rather naïve, Edna,’ she said to me.” She gave him a severe look and then continued. “The envelope contains a plane ticket. Flight 416 leaving tomorrow at 7PM. I will pick you up in a taxi at 5. We will be arriving in Nice late afternoon. No need for a suitcase. Any clothing you own would be inappropriate for the occasion. In your room at the Chalet you will find all the clothing you will need. Your mother gave us the sizes. Trust a mother to know the sizes of even an aging son. The envelope also contains cash. Use whatever you need to pay rent in lieu of notice. Perhaps you might like to arrange with your landlady to have surplus belongings stored for later shipping or given away to the Salvation Army.”

                                                  ^^                            

   The coffin was open and you could see his mother’s severe dead face through the glass. There were eight horses instead of six, Arabian mares, three footmen on either side of the coach and a driver but no assistant. The braids on the horse’s tails and manes were tied up with ribbons a deep dark purple and there were bright silver fastenings on the harnesses. People lined the road, the men holding hats in their hands, women with their heads bowed and when the carriage pasted by in it’s slow, sedate procession they slipped onto the gravel roadbed and followed along behind. 

   When they reached the cemetery the procession turned off the road and wound its way along a gravel path barely wide enough for the wheels through what seemed an innumerable series of graves, markers, elaborate carved stone memorials until it came at last to a large granite faced mausoleum. It was exquisitely worked, the entire front carved with figures of archangels, in some places praising God with uplifted arms, outstretched wings, in others carrying the souls of the recently departed upwards to their heavenly reward. From a cornice of huge overhanging stones protruded a series of incredibly hideous gargoyles, laughing, leering, so realistically portrayed in attitudes of fierce mockery that it seemed the placid beauty of the angels, their counterpoint, their opposition, were about to be overthrown in favour of a bacchanalia trumpeting the absurdity of all human things and the meaningless profanity of death. These figures so terrified Jeremy that he lowered his eyes to avoid them but found himself raising them occasionally all through the ceremony, very elaborate and very long, as if these figures held for him a deep allure, a fatal attraction. The language of the liturgy was Latin. The entrance to the tomb was piled with flowers, the overly florid flowers of warm countries, their sickly sweet perfume mixing with the smell of incense burning in half a dozen censers to create a pall which, in the completely still, soft spring air, encasing the mourners in a nauseous fog.

   When the ceremony was finally over and his mother’s now closed casket carried by the pall bearers into the tomb, Jeremy turned away and walked some distance along the path up a hill until he was alone, away from the crowd. Here, under a yew tree there was a bench. He sat down and looked back at the tomb where the crowd was yet to disperse, still a great knot of several hundreds no longer quiet and worshipful, focused on the single point of the Bishop’s movements, his deep baritone Latin readings from the book of the dead, but now turned toward one another and creating an incredible din of laughter, exclamation, and loud, vociferous greeting. He had made some kind of accommodation with these people. He knew, in a fashion, who they were.  Yet still they seemed unreal to him. He could not help thinking that they were illusions, phantoms, composed from memories of old lithographs, and in the end mere figments of his mother’s imagination. He closed his eyes and listened to the bright, clear notes of the birds singing in the trees around him. 

   The noise of boots crunching gravel came towards him. Jeremy remained seated with his eyes closed until they climbed the path and stood before him. Then he opened his eyes and looked up at the three figures standing in front of him. The foremost was a man with a great mane of silver hair, dressed in an expensive banker’s suit. He went down on one knee, reached out and grasped Jeremy’s left hand and brought his lips down to kiss the heavy ornate ring his dresser early that morning had insisted he wear. The man held his closed lips to the ring for several long moments in a weird fervour of mystical union. Then he brought his head up and looked into Jeremy’s eyes and said in a voice husky with emotion, 

   “My Prince.”

   Then the white haired man was whisked away as if blown by a sudden gust of wind and replaced by another. A long line of people, both men and women, were now climbing the path. Jeremy could see, through the leaves of a grove of trees to the south, a bright flash of blue sea. For a sudden, absurd moment, he had an urge to be upon that blue sea, sailing. But he knew this could not be so. Just as the dresser that morning had insisted on the ring, there would now be a long uninterrupted line of insisting, of instruction, of requirements, a long line from which it would be impossible to escape. He would have wept but it occurred to him that with his heart was now grasped in a iron hand, a cold iron hand perhaps just emerged from the cool depths of that blue sea and that weeping would be a useless and extravagant gesture. “Who are you?” he asked the woman now genuflecting before him.

    “Recently arrived,” she said and smiled as if this assertion was the answer to everything.

   “Of course,” replied Jeremy. “Of course.” And he raised his hand to the next supplicant, a long nosed man with a face like a knife who held, in the deep caverns of his eye sockets, a pair of terrible enigmatic eyes.